So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize