I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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