I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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