I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
