Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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