A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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