is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
