I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
