you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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