roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
