Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
