And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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