he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
