So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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