I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
