I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
