His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
