they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
