She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
