So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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