listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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