Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
