It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
