I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
