why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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