actually, I'm a sock model
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
