I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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