I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
