my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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