problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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