seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
