there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
