also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
