I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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