I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
