i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
