Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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