I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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