My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
