Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
