Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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