Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
