Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
