Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
