One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
