There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
