Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize