Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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