Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
