I seem to have left my pride at pride
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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