The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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