I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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