i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
