ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize