I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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