Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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