I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
