Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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