yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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