I love black thongs
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
