just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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