you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
