Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
