And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize