During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
