We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
