I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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