Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
