Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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