he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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