onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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