You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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