Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My ass is underappreciated
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
