My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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