GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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