Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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