I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
