omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
