I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The power of my boobs compel you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
