You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
