..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
