I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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