I just made out with a guy for $7.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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