Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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