i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
