the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
