We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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