So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
