there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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