wanna go halves on a baby?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
