Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
