how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
