Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
