you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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